Letting go

Yesterday evening I had to let my cat Nera go. Only 5 weeks after her brother Mylo had to leave us.

They were old, yes. Mylo was 18.5 years, Nera 19.

It hurts very badly, having to do this, because you want to keep them with you forever, but you know that won't happen. Never. Instead you have to be brave and honest, and do the right thing. Let them sleep forever when they're too old, or in pain as both Mylo and Nera were. Yes, I'm crying as I write this.

My first impulse is to run out and get other cats, because the house feels so extremely empty now. That felt the same little over 6 years ago, when I had to let Obsidian go, 1.5 years after his sister Grimalkin had to be left to go. But I don't know if I can do this again. Let one go. This was the fourth time and it feels as if it hurts more each time.

Mylo and Nera were with me for 6 years. Obsi and Grim 7 and 8 years. All of them sweet and loving cats, each their own personality and each as wonderful as the other. I miss each and all of them.

Yes, I did the right thing. Let them go and end their pain. It's the only decent thing to do. That, and hold them in my arms until the very end, no matter how much that hurts. That pain tells me how much I love them. This pain will end too, but it will never be completely gone. The memories of them, however, will make that bearable.

Goodbye sweeties. I miss you, but you're in my heart forever.